Sunshinebob goes to Barbados…. Part III

This is where it gets a little fuzzy.. The old grey matter has gone a bit soft over the last few years so the actual order of things following is about right although not perfect.

We went to the beach. If you ask reception they will arrange for Trevor or Sly to carry two sun beds down onto the beach for. Its so civilised. Mrs SB and I took our usual positions in the shadier area and sat back to continue with John and Chicky (our books). After an hour or so Ken and Barbie appeared and plonked themselves in the sun not too far away.. I tried to give Trevor $10 to move them further down the beach as they are too darn good looking to be within fifty feet of me but he could not be bought. Ken and Barbie also have that good kind of skin that don’t burn either. They went home with a deep conker colour whilst me and the mrs went slightly pinker.. I digress again.. Then the strangest thing happened.. I stood up and wandered over to Ken and Barbie for no apparent reason, just being friendly like I suppose… I was half way there when all of a sudden I stopped for no apparent reason. I looked up to the sky through the dappled shade of the trees and saw a coconut plummeting towards me.. I don’t know if it was my razor sharp brain calculating the exact trajectory on the incoming missile or my slow reflexes but I watched it fall all the way past the end on my nose and into the sand by my feet. It missed me by an inch. Now 2kg coconut falling at 10m/s from 15 metres up is coming in a fair lick and would have smarted a tad if it had hit me on the head. I instantly made a mental note not to sit or walk under coconut trees again. I glanced back up to see the leaves part high above me and two eyes and a flash of white and gold teeth amongst the foliage. Within seconds a man slide down the tree at a vast rate of knots. So quick in fact he caught his undercarriage on the way down and proceeded to hop around rubbing his wedding tackle in some pain.. After he checked if he had left any of “himself” up the tree he bounded over full of apologies and offered me the coconut at my feet for free… I declined his kind offer and carried on with the day none the worse from the experiance. I still don’t know why I stopped walking and looked up.. I told Mrs SB that’s its to do with by superman like powers and my highly trained ninja skills.. She it was just that I was always a lucky git and stuck her nose back into her book without even looking up.. Either way , I wont sit under a coconut tree again and suggest you don’t too.

Mrs SB and I had a wander later and popped into the local fish market.. Its like every other fish market.. It stinks of fish , but we did buy some flying fish at great expense ( about three quid ) which mrs SB fried up on the small kitchen in our room and we ate them with local salad. They were very tasty. Ken , Barbie and two of us enjoyed them immensely washed down with the rum , some cola , a six pack of Banks and of course some extra cake for our oh so slim friends. Later after a short and very needed snooze we wandered back to the beach and watched the local fishing boats unloading their daily catch. As the fishermen gathered round off loading, buying and selling many of the off cuts were simply thrown back into the sea.. In the water there were 10 or so turtles feasting on the unusable or un-sellable bits left over after the fish had been gutted.. It was like a scene for the discovery channel. Some were the size of dinner plates and others at least a metre long. We stood watching like childred untill the sun dipped down below the horizon. One of the fishermen slipped and dropped his catch. Most of the fish fell onto the bank but one big ( 20 pounds or so ) fish fell back into the sea. It did not make a beak for freedom as it was a dead as a dodo and sank towards the bottom like a coconut falling from a tree. The largest turtle decided he would investigate and swam over to have a look.. Much mayhem ensured with plenty of p1ss taking amongst the fishermen and onlookers alike. One brave local kicked off his shoes and shirt and dived in to claim the fish from the very clutch of the turtle. It was like a man verses turtle tug of war and through the bubbles we clearly saw the fish snatched from the very mouth of the creature. The local returned to the surface much to the delight and cheers of the crowd with his prize.. He told us he would be able to eat for a week for free and his wife would be happy with him at least for a day or two.

With a spring in our step we headed back the hotel for a shower and a trip into St Lawrence Gap.. Refreshed and no longer stinking of turtle food we jumped in Michael’s cab and in less than 15 minutes were sitting in a bar with alcohol in our hands . Jumbies is the first bar and was as good as anywhere to start.. We had out usual round Vodka and Cranberry for me, Rum and coke for Ken and two Gin and Tonics for the ladies. We had 2 or 3 quick rounds and wandered off to find something to eat.. Like all good boys and girls we had made plans and had reserved a table at Café Sol less than thirty seconds away. We ordered our food and studied the cocktail list.. They were buy one get one free. We ordered eight straight away and that was perfect. Not too much alcohol and a bit sweet for my liking but nice enough none the less. It’s a tex-mex restaurant and I ordered the chilli. The waitress asked if I wanted it mild or wild and I said somewhere between wicked and spiteful.. God it was hot , but being the brave (stupid) soul that I am I finished it all up. I tried to big it up to the waitress that I have had hotter but the fact that I was red and covered in sweat gave the game away.. We all enjoyed the food and would recommend café sol as a great casual restaurant. We were still a bit jet lagged and so headed back to the hotel by 11.30..The air-conditioning in the room helped cool me down after the chilli but I put the toilet rolls in the fridge just in case.

Much more of the same to follow…